piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Green mimosas i think yes
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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