I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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