as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
