go do what you do best...puke behind churches
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
