Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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