I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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