I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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