We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
