I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm always down for nudity.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
