There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's blow job season.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
