I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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