Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize