I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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