Whod you bang
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
