Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
