I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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