Your dad touched me again.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
