so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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