I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
