I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
