god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
