i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
