just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
