we have pet lesbian snakes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
