sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
