my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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