They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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