I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
