I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i believe in u and ur pee
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
