He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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