I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
