You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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