got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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