She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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