I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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