my mouth tastes like poor choices
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize