It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
