Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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