Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
