You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My bed smells like the plague
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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