Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
