I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
