Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
