If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize