That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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