I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
