What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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