still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Shame - the story of my life.
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