he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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