I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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