All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
