Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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