Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize