You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just want to make out with him forever
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
