this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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