So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
