How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
