If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
