adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
