i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
