We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
