Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
