Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
