No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
