He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
