I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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