Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize