Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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