His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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