If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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