I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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