Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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