Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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