At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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