looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
