I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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