Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize