Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
