I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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