Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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