I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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