he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There's always time for handjobs
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
