That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
