rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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