he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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