I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
