you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
