I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize