Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
