There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
