i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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