i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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