idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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