you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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