Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
