i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
