I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
