I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
