I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize