I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize