I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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