you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
