my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
