And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
