I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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