I want to have your abortion
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
