So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
