On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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