So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
