Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
